Best/Worst Timelines in Film
By Steven
Featuring edits by James! ????

Watching the news can often feel like an emotional rollercoaster. Well, maybe not a rollercoaster, exactly, but maybe one of those rides that lifts you up over 100 8000 ft and then  drops you into free fall. An emotional death-drop ride. Many people have speculated that we’re in one of the darkest timelines possible, and whether that’s true or not, there’s something for everyone to complain about. But in order to accurately judge the current times, we’ve compiled a list of the best and worst imaginable timelines from TV and film! Mostly from film though.


1. Children of Men: Best Timeline

We know, we know, Children of Men is supposed to be dystopian and yeah, the entire world is collapsing due to a worldwide infertility crisis, but any future without mommy blogs and mommy bloggers and crying babies on planes is a future I desperately want.

2. Idiocracy: Worst 

A future where those with average to above-average intelligence have been shunned or died out, and society is ruled by the biggest persona, the Old-Spice man himself, Terry Crews instead of the person most qualified for the job. Too close to home? ABUSE OF PPPPPPPPOWER!

3. Westworld: Best Timeline

Listen, if you can get around the whole “what makes a person” and “have you ever questioned the nature of your reality” stuff it’s just a world in which super-advanced robot cowboys exist, and that sounds pretty dope. Plus, presumably we skipped right over the uncanny valley and went straight to robo-Evan Rachel Wood, or Robo-Rachel Wood, so that’s also pretty cool. Please edit this I’m confused.

Independence Day: Resurgence: Worst Timeline

It’s not so much the fact that it’s a future where Earth is under threat by aliens who destroy monuments, it’s more that Earth is under constant threat of alien peril and we don’t have Will Smith. It’s a huge bummer! Who Will save us? That was a Will Smith pun. Will Smith is the best. Will Smith/Martin lawrence 2020.

Waterworld: Worst Timeline

On one hand it’s a giant ClubMed. On the other hand, it’s a giant Club Med. Not a fan of the drink specials either, I hear they’re all………………….watered down.

Mad Max (Any of ‘em): Best Timeline

As a resident of Los Angeles, a world free from rules of the road really inspires me gets my motor running and is a concept I can get behind. Also, as a resident of Los Angeles, I’m used to bizarre characters trying to establish cults and gangs as I attempt to mind my own business.

Thomas the Tank Engine: Worst Timeline

Are you really gonna sit there and tell me that Thomas the Tank Engine doesn’t exist in a horrifying post-apocalypse where humans’ bodies have either evolved into blocky structures or been forced into powering steam trains? Look at those eyes. Why can’t he make eye contact? Got something to hide Thomas?

Reign of Fire: Okay-est Timeline

I dunno, a world of dragons is pretty dope, but a world where Matthew McConaughey is humanity’s last hope for survival is a little worrisome. Honestly Steven take that back if you saw the movie you would know that he is not the hero its Christian Bale smh just watch the damn film. Also this was peak McConaughey.


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